March 2024 Update

ID: "March Monthly Update. www.freedomoklahoma.org/news" on a background image of candles held in the air, a photo of Nex Benedict projected on the wall, from the closing of the vigil for Nex Benedict hosted at Point A Gallery in Oklahoma City.

So, what’s next?

When I scheduled out my newsletter drafting blocks for the year, I had hoped to spend March writing about trans joy. Ahead of Trans Week of Visibility and Action and Trans Day of Visibility, I hoped that I could talk about the ways 2STGNC+ (Two Spirit, transgender, gender non-conforming+) folks find and create joys in a state, in a country, in a timeline where we are not afforded safety when visible. But then I spent the last week holding community in the face of the news of an Indigenous 2STGNC+ kid, right here in Oklahoma, dying the day after being beaten in the bathroom. The day after a year of being bullied for an identity that is innate. In a space where we’re supposed to be building the collective safety for us to thrive. Nex Benedict should still be alive. Nex should get to share pronouns, tell us how Nex identifies, on Nex’s terms. But instead, we’re fighting media more interested in how they can assign a dead kid an identity, can select a set of pronouns, instead of how they can honor Nex’s full 2STGNC+ identity, how they can honor that Nex died before getting to share that gender journey with us in Nex’s words. And if you are grappling with the rage and grief of how we’re supposed to wake up and fight for survival in a state that in the face of a dead Nex Benedict has continued their attack on the safety of 2SLGBTQ+ Oklahomans, especially 2STGNC+ youth, you’re not alone. So what do we do about it?

First, what we know, and need you to know. Nex Benedict was a 16 year-old, Chahta (Choctaw) student at Owasso High School. Nex had widely used they/them pronouns and was transitioning to he/him pronouns with those closest to Nex. Nex loved cats, drawing, rock music, and was a straight-A student. Nex was an excellent cook, an artist, and a beloved friend. Nex was bullied for over a year for being 2STGNC+ at Owasso High School, a space where hostility escalated with the implementation of state-mandated single-sex bathroom restrictions and the exit of an out teacher who was targeted by the hate-based social media platform Libs of TikTok. One day, at school, Nex encountered bullying in the bathroom that Nex was forced to use, one that did not align with Nex’s gender. In that bathroom, a fight broke out, in which Nex experienced physical violence including having their head beaten. While other students were able to leave the bathroom unassisted, Nex had to be escorted by a school cop to the administrative offices where all students involved faced a punitive response from the school. Nex’s mom was called to take Nex home, but instead, she took Nex to the hospital to have Nex’s head trauma assessed. Nex was released and died the next day.

We need you to know as an Indigenous person who died on Indigenous land, we cannot talk about Nex’s death without the intersectional context of the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Relatives (MMIR) crisis. MMIR exists within the framework of colonization and genocide, as colonizer governments have worked to erode tribal sovereignty, dehumanize Indigenous people, disrupt Indigenous history (especially that outside of the framework of colonial narratives) from being taught in public schools, and engaged in violence that disproportionately impacts Two Spirit and Indigiqueer relatives. For more resources on plugging into MMIR organizing being led on the ground in the area where Nex died, look to NOISE and organizers who continue to work on justice for Aubrey Dameron. For Two Spirit and Indigiqueer youth space, support the work of Matriarch sponsored youth group Cousins.

Folks across the country have said Nex’s death is a wake-up call. From the ground, it feels like someone who is surrounded by weather alerts and tornado sirens looking up and saying, “Oh, did you know there’s a tornado coming?” We’ve long since sounded the alarm. We have been screaming for help.

We know that many have found themselves grieving alongside 2STGNC+ Oklahomans and the community of Owasso. We saw the outpouring of love and support with vigils from Lawton to McAlester and Bartlesville to Norman, from Stonewall to Hollywood and Saskatoon to El Paso, from the ancestral lands of the Caddo people in the present-day Cherokee Nation to the Winnebago Reservation, and so many places in between. And in the wake of the full realization of the harm of visibility in spaces where we don’t have safety, maybe this month, we think about the transformation Trans Day of Visibility has to take. Maybe it’s better to consider a trans day of rage, trans day of grief, trans day of exhaustion, trans day of really trying to not despair but hope as a discipline is taking a lot of effort right now, or trans day of we’re not actually asking the government’s permission so just let us live our lives without the constant hateful rhetoric and violence. However you’re entering this month, we hope to continue to hold space with you, to work towards that safety, to disrupt the ongoing harm, and to ask all of the folks for whom it took a child’s death to wake up, what that awareness looks like in action.

Photo by Nicole McAfee. Image Description: Photo of candles held in the air, a photo of Nex Benedict projected on the wall, from the closing of the vigil for Nex Benedict hosted at Point A Gallery in Oklahoma City.

So, what’s next? This year we’ll again take up space on our terms at the Oklahoma Capitol for our annual People’s Hearing. We’re finalizing details, but save March 26 as the date, and show up. Numbers help us create safety for 2STGNC+ folks. We’re working in community to organize that same week around the next State Board of Education Meeting, currently scheduled for March 28. And, again on March 31, the day that marks the annual celebration of Trans Day of Visibility, we’re working to make space for some joy and community. We’ll be posting details as they’re finalized about each gathering.

If you’re wondering how to share your time, talents, and treasure with 2SLGBTQ+ Oklahomans, additional ways you can show up in the near future include submitting art or letters as part of our annual Love Letters to 2STGNC+ Oklahomans project, which we’ll share throughout the month, and compile after March 31 into a zine. You can buy a shirt from softhand to wear your affirmation into the world, while also supporting the work of organizations that serve 2STGNC+ youth on the ground in Oklahoma. You could donate. The more you can get money into the hands of 2STGNC+ folks, the better. The more local those organizations, the closer those dollars are to meeting the folks on the ground.

*Photo by Lauren Smith for Freedom Oklahoma. Image Description: A person holds a lit candle and trans pride flag in their hand at a vigil for Nex Benedict held at Point A Gallery in Oklahoma City.*

We know the grieving is not over. Neither is the rage. But as communities in and beyond Oklahoma gathered this weekend to mourn and honor Nex Benedict, we saw so much love and determination in the face of hate and heartache. We know we’ll have continued calls to action in the days and months ahead. We know we’ll continue to have to fight at the legislature and the State Board of Education and on the ground, as much as we’ll continue the work to build community in each of those spaces, so we get closer to safety. For those of you meeting this moment, do not lose momentum. For those of you who have been in the fight, remember to care for yourself. We make this promise to you: we will carry Nex's light forward. We will shine that light on the harms Oklahoma officials have willingly overlooked. We will make sure that light is a beacon of love and community for 2SLGBTQ+ folks. We will continue to talk about the intersections of 2SLGBTQ+ hate and the MMIR epidemic. And we will continue to grow this movement, to work together, to build a future where all 2SLGBTQ+ folks have the safety to thrive.

In Solidarity,

Nicole McAfee (they/she)

Executive Director

Important Links and updates:

March Community Groups

“virtual 2SLGBTQ+ Community Groups Educators, Teachers, & School Staff: March 12th, 4 - 5:30 pm Parents, Guardians, & Caregivers: March 13th 4:30 - 6 pm Students & Youth: March 14th, 4:30 - 5:30 pm” on a color block graphic in the Freedom Oklahoma b — Oklahoma's Legislative Session is in full swing, and Spring Break is around the corner. Come chat, get/give updates, see how you can plug into community efforts, and fill your cup to get you through to some well-deserved time off/family time! Join as/when you are able. You will have to sign in to zoom for the security of all participants. We look forward to seeing you there!
**Full Schedule:**
Teachers, Educators, & School Staff: Tuesday, March 12th, 4-530pm:
Parents, Guardians, & Caregivers: Wednesday, March 13th, 430-6pm:
Students & Youth: Thursday, March 14th, 430-530pm:

sign up

Thank You for another great Youth Action Month

Big thanks to another successful Youth Action Month! We could not have done it without all of the amazingly talented young Oklahomans who help make this state better for all of us. We can’t wait to showcase all of the amazing art at our People’s Hearing on March 26th.

We want to give a huge shout-out to all of the organizations and artists who made YAM possible this year: Oklahoma Contemporary, Dan Rocky, Dylan and Isa with Practice Practice Project, OSU Canterbury Center, PFLAG Stillwater, and Youth Services of Tulsa's GSA Program. We had some awesome events and fantastic community building. Thank you for all your hard work to continue to ensure Oklahoma youth have places to go and be their authentic selves!

It’s not too late to showcase your art at the People’s Hearing. If you are 25 or under, have a social justice issue that is important to you, and you want to create something to showcase it then use the YAM registration link and select “No, but I want to submit a piece.” We will follow up with you!

Don’t forget: You matter. Your voice matters. What you believe in matters. The change you want to see for Oklahoma matters. Freedom Oklahoma is grateful for the opportunity to support you in creating the change you want to see. Thank you for being you!