November 2023 Update
ID: "November Monthly Update. www.freedomoklahoma.org/news" on a background image of 3 people roller skating on one foot while holding hands in a circle and wearing Pride flags and Nonbinary Pride flags in their hair. There are blue and orange lines and dots on the left and right of the image and the FOK logo is to the right.
There’s No Single Trans Experience
Every once in a while, a reporter will ask me to describe exactly what gender-affirming care is. And while I can talk through the basics of what options for treatment can include, I always note that, like most medical care, it’s highly individualized, within a framework of best practices, to meet the needs of the patient. There is no singular experience with gender-affirming care, because there is no singular trans experience. To be transgender+ is to experience and express gender beyond an assigned binary. And that can look and feel and be different for each person. Transgenderism is expansive. And our dialogue about it should be, too.
November traditionally includes a week of awareness about the disproportionate harms 2STGNC+ community members face ahead of memorializations of trans lives lost to violence during Trans Day of Resilience and Remembrance (TDoR) on November 20. That week becomes extra heavy this year as we mark the 1 year anniversary of the massacre of trans and queer folks at Club Q in Colorado Springs on November 19. We remember Daniel Davis Aston, Kelly Loving, Raymond Green Vance, Derrick Rump, Ashley Paugh. So often, the grieving and awareness have been limited to acts of physical, hate-motivated, interpersonal violence. As our larger community grieves the loss of Fern Galindo, as we see trans folks with the resources escape Oklahoma, as we fear for the ability of 2STGNC+ folks to survive violence imposed by systems, by government actors, by self-proclaimed allies or LGB community members looking away and continuing business as usual, it feels important to say that while there is no single trans experience, there is shared grief across the 2STGNC+ community as we fight for our lives. And this month, as we lift up trans resilience, as we celebrate trans joy, we will also make room for the waves of grief, anxiety, uncertainty, that our 2STGNC+ community is facing.
I also want to note that as we mark the start of a new month, we also mark the beginning of the end of access to gender-affirming medical care related to transition for 2SLGBTQ+ youth in Oklahoma. There are not enough resources, not enough good answers, or accessible options as to how we will meet the needs of our most vulnerable community members as we help them address gaps in accessible care. I’ve tried to put into words the urgency of this harm, and I acknowledge how terrifying it is for patients, families, and providers who are on the front lines of figuring out what’s next. We’ll continue to lift up resources as they’re made available, and be partners alongside you in figuring out how to meet the needs of this moment.
With 2SLGBTQ+ history month just behind us, I am always reminded of how often I can find hope in the 2STGNC+ trailblazers who came before me. Last month I started reading We Both Laughed in Pleasure, the compiled diaries of organizer Lou Sullivan. He was a gay, trans man who radically altered the collective understanding of language around gender and sexuality, who was a role model for trans men, and who our community lost too soon when he died of health complications related to AIDS in 1991 at the age of 39. While reading, I was particularly struck by this sentiment he wrote as a young person in the 60s, saying "I wanna look like what I am but don’t know what someone like me looks like. I mean, when people look at me I want them to think—there’s one of those people that reasons, that is a philosopher, that has their own interpretation of happiness. That’s what I am.”
For me, transgender identity as happiness, on one’s own terms, was something I really connected with. There’s no singular trans experience, but there is a shared joy across our 2STGNC+ community, and beyond, in being able to be wholly yourself, to name your gender, to choose the expression that best suits you, to start by dismantling a binary assigned to you at birth and move forward in radically questioning assumptions about anything, everything, as you forge a life, a community, and a world on your own terms.
Last year, in the wake of grief following the mass shooting at Club Q, I wrote a poem–an outlet often for my feelings, especially the ones more difficult for me to sit in. While I look forward to a day it is no longer relevant, I also wanted to share it here, in the instance it provides you some insight, some urgency to act for your 2STGNC+ neighbors, or just space to engage in your own practice of processing, grieving, and healing.
I don't want any more trans people to have to be martyrs. At all. Not for a movement that will so easily compromise us out of your wins. I want people to be moved to action while we're all still alive. With all of our joyous imperfections. I want trans people to get to die of old age.
I want queer poets to write words about love in the present. Of trans people in the present. And the past. And the future. I want photos to be adored in real time. Loving words said out loud. Repeatedly. Excessively. Chosen names and chosen families celebrated.
I want enough people to want that enough to make it real.
I want so much not to have to feel angry all of the time. But angry is easier than afraid. Easier than heartbroken.
And so long as people are more comfortable sharing gofundme links for trans funerals than gofundme links for trans affirming care. So long as you're more comfortable sending love than you are standing up to fight for us.
What choice, besides anger, do I have?
Despair? Complacency? That's no choice at all.
I don’t want trans people to have to be resilient. Visibility can be deadly in this sociopolitical climate. I don’t want folks to have to be aware of us in order to fight for our right to live free from government-imposed harms and hate-motivated violence enacted by individuals, by systems, by our governments. But, this month and always, I do want to celebrate 2STGNC+ folks. I hope you feel seen. I hope together we can create a shared experience of safety, of happiness, on our own terms.
In Solidarity,
Nicole McAfee
Important Links and updates:
(Freedom) Oklahoma vs. (Equality) Texas Update
It’s Wednesday, November 1, and transphobia still sucks. OU football had a successful Red River Rivalry Weekend, and, thanks to your support, so did Freedom Oklahoma! In our fundraising challenge with Equality Texas, we all won, but our Freedom Oklahoma team gets to take home the bragging rights. Thanks for helping us out-raise our friends at Equality Texas, and supporting our work to build a future where all 2SLGBTQ+ Oklahomans have the safety to thrive. Didn’t get a chance to say horns down in real-time? You can support our work year-round at https://www.freedomoklahoma.org/donate.
photoshopped sports poster with the heads of Freedom Oklahoma staff members superimposed on the bodies of OU football players, behind a football. Image text "There's only one Freedom Oklahoma Throwdown at the Red River Showdown 2023 Champions Freedom Oklahoma vs. Equality Texas give off" with a Freedom Oklahoma logo and horns down emoji.
Join our Board!
Our board helps support our work to build a future where all 2SLGBTQ+ folks have the safety to thrive, in and beyond Oklahoma. For more information about board duties, and to submit an application before the November 18 deadline, visit this link.
Photo of a person at OKC Pride Alliance Parade in a Freedom Oklahoma shirt, holding a rainbow fan. Text on top of image "Are you Freedom Oklahoma's next board member? Help us build the future where all 2SLGBTQ+ Oklahomans have the safety to thrive. Apply to join our board by Saturday November 18!" In the top left corner is a Freedom Oklahoma logo.
November Community Groups
Join us for this month’s community gatherings to learn what's new and happening in the Oklahoma legislative and political landscape. As always, we encourage participants to join us and share their experiences, needs, and joys with the group. We look forward to sharing space in community with others. Please come when and as you are able. We look forward to seeing you there!
Full Schedule:
Teachers, Educators, & School Staff: Nov 7th, 4 - 5:30 pm
Parents, Guardians, & Caregivers: Nov 8th, 4:30 - 6 pm
Students & Youth: Nov 9th, 4:30 - 5:30 pm
“virtual 2SLGBTQ+ Community Groups Educators, Teachers, & School Staff: Tue, Nov 7th, 4 - 5:30 pm Parents, Guardians, & Caregivers: Wed, Nov 8th, 4:30 - 6 pm Students & Youth: Thurs, Nov 9th, 4:30 - 5:30 pm” on a dark blue background with the Freedom Oklahoma logo, an orange abstract star, and a cutout image of 2 adults and a child smiling and sitting together–only one adult visible from the front.
Giving Tuesday
Join us on Giving Tuesday, November 28th 2023 as we come together to amplify the voices of those at the forefront of change. At Freedom Oklahoma, we are not just focused on our own mission but on the collective journey toward liberation. This Giving Tuesday, 11/28, keep an eye on Freedom Oklahoma social media as we’ll continue the tradition of shining a spotlight on the incredible individuals and organizations working alongside us to create a more inclusive and equitable future.
Through your generous support, we can lift up the tireless advocates, activists, and community leaders who are driving real change in our state and beyond. Their work is a vital part of our shared vision for a more just society, and they deserve recognition and resources to continue their mission. You can donate to support our work, here.
blue background with text "Giving Tuesday We’re able to show up every day in the work to build a future where all 2SLGBTQ+ folks have the safety to thrive because of the generous gifts from folks like you. Can we count on your support this Giving Tuesday?" There are navy, blue and orange doodles with a Freedom Oklahoma logo in the lower left and an arched photo with two people in Freedom Oklahoma t-shirts speaking outside.
Community Skate Thank You
We are overwhelmed with gratitude as we extend our heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who came out to support our inaugural Community Celebration Skate Night Fundraiser. Your presence and enthusiasm truly made it a night to remember, and your support means the world to us. At Freedom Oklahoma, we firmly believe that the beauty of our organization lies in the diversity and inclusivity of our community. It was this spirit of unity and celebration that made our Skate Night Fundraiser an incredible success.
It was an evening filled with joy, laughter, and unity as we skated the night away, celebrating the diversity and strength of our incredible community. Your willingness to stand with us, not just on the rink, but in all that we do, is an example of the power of inclusivity and solidarity. It's your unwavering support that keeps our organization thriving, and we look forward to many more opportunities to come together in the spirit of unity, love, and positive change.
Thank you too for joining us in celebrating our award recipients, AJ Stegall and Taylor Eisenmann of the Rainbow Mosaic Project, Terri Fleming APRN, Rep Mauree Turner, Ramona Waylon Diaz, and a posthumous award in celebration of the organizing of Fern Galindo, this year supporting Tulsa Intersectional Care Network.
We recognize that building an inclusive Oklahoma is a continuous journey. So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you for joining us, for believing in our cause, and for standing together as a beacon of hope and acceptance. Your presence at the Community Celebration Skate Night Fundraiser was a shining example of the strength that comes from togetherness. We are grateful for each and every one of you.
Photo of AJ Stegall, Taylor Eisenmann, Mauree Turner, and Terri Fleming standing in a row with their certificates at Freedom Oklahoma State night. Photo by Stephanie Montelongo.
Community Skate Community Sponsor Spot Light
“Just six years after we opened our Oklahoma City location, extremist lawmakers banned abortions, nearly two months ahead of the Dobbs decision. Despite this devastating blow to our clinic and community, we resolved to stay in Oklahoma and redefine what it means to be a reproductive health care provider.
Over the last year, we’ve made huge strides forward to meet that commitment, and we’re just getting started. Under the new brand “Community Care by Trust Women,” we’re providing Oklahomans with gender affirming care, medication assisted treatment for opioid users, HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment, and a broad range of sexual health services.
We’ve partnered with many amazing organizations already doing much of this work in Oklahoma City and the state, including Freedom Oklahoma. We’re putting our experience in abortion care and reproductive rights advocacy to work in trans health justice, harm reduction and community health, acknowledging the many, many intersections these each share.
Staying in Oklahoma also means we’re well-positioned in the ongoing fight to restore legal abortions to the state. Our advocacy efforts are focused on building power with ally organizations and making in-roads with Oklahoma’s state legislature.
As we continue to expand our services and advocacy in Oklahoma, we know we’re making a positive impact on the lives of so many in our community, and we’re so proud to collaborate with and support allies like Freedom Oklahoma.” - Community Care by Trust Women
“Community Skate Sponsor Highlight” with the Freedom Oklahoma logo and Community Care by Trust Women logo on a half grey, half white background with orange sparkles.
Name Change and Gender Marker Correction Clinic + Assistance Program
On Saturday, December 2nd, we'll be hosting one more virtual Name and Gender Marker Correction Clinic before 2023 is over! To find out more about this process and to register for next month’s virtual clinic, visit here: www.freedomoklahoma.org/ngmc-clinic
Participation is on a first-come, first-served basis due to capacity. Prior registrants will get 1st priority. If you are seeking support and can’t attend, please contact namechange@freedomoklahoma.org
Please note: While there is still pending litigation on Kevin Stitt’s executive order banning gender marker amendments to birth certificates and related legislation, we are still very much eligible for name and binary gender marker corrections (M/F) on a case-by-case basis. The Oklahoma Health Department is NOT granting amended birth certificates at this time, including binary gender marker corrections. However, we are still able to update our State ID/Drivers Licenses and other federal documentation once granted a court order. This note is not intended as legal advice but rather is an update based on anecdotal experience.
Pink and blue gradient background. In the center of the image is a rendering of a pop-up computer window. Text "Name and Gender Marker Correction Clinic Saturday 12/2 RSVP today!" In the lower right, the arrow from a computer mouse hovers just under a Freedom Oklahoma logo.